Why Do Women Cheat on Their Husbands

Infidelity is on the rise. We hear about it more and more each day, especially from celebrities. Many people, when you think about cheating spouses, automatically think that it is a husband cheating on a wife. This, however, is not always the case.
Men are not the only philanderers. Women are also committing adultery. In fact, some studies suggest that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. Cookie Magazine did a study back in May that found 34% of moms admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair.
This says that it's not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seems to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?
Women Cheat For Emotional Reasons
Whether it's a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their husbands have left them with.
Women also crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a husband aren't satisfying this need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren't true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.
If you are not reassuring your wife that she is beautiful and important to you, you are putting your relationship at risk.
Other Reasons Women Cheat
*Sense of Loneliness
*Insecurity
*Disappointment with their spouse
*Depression
*Lack of Romance
Profile of a Female Cheater
Now that we've covered some reasons why women cheat, lets profile the typical female philanderer.
*Women tend to choose partners who are also married. This offers some safety for them, as they have less of a concern to worry about STD's. They also don't have to worry about the "secret" getting out, as the married man also would have no benefit of leaking the truth. Last, it puts a limit on the amount of time they can spend with their lover if he is also married.
*Women who cheat on their spouse are more likely to be a full-time worker. Men in the workplace can tend to make the women feel important, if she is doing a good job, notice the woman, and take an interest in her.
*Women don't jump into affairs. They tend to know the person they are cheating with for a couple of months or more before they actually cheat on their spouse. This proves the stat from Cookie Magazine that 53% of married women with children say they've contemplated an affair.
*They don't always want a "bad boy". In fact, They are looking for the "ideal husband", someone who can provide the security, communication, financial, and emotional needs they currently lack.
Myths About Adultery
As you learn more and more about affairs, you will begin to understand their true meaning and place for existence. You will also be able to dispel some common myths.
1. An affair can help your troubled marriage. No, it cannot help. It will only worsen the problems you are already having. What it can do is open your spouse's eyes to the trouble and ignite a plan to address those problems.
2. Bad Sex Causes People to Have an Affair. No, this is not true either. Sex is just that, sex. It is all the same, really, until you add emotion to it. Sex can become worse if one person feels it is a problem, an insecurity, and begins to turn sex into what it never should be, a performance. Great sex comes from sharing yourself, mentally and emotionally, with your partner, which creates a deep trust between the two of you.
3. Affairs Can Last Forever. False. Affairs die for the same reasons marriages do, the lack of intimacy. If you are having an affair and think it is a wonderful relationship, it is because you are hiding the imperfections from one another. You never truly get to know the real person you are with. If you care enough about getting to know someone, get to know your spouse. Affairs lack the emotion necessary to sustain long term.
What To Do If You Are Tempted To Cheat
I hope you are not tempted to cheat, but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your spouse can work through them.
Learn to communicate better with your spouse. Create a transparency, where you know everything about your spouse, and they know everything about you. Spend time together every day, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your spouse!
Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!

Spouse Has Had An Affair!

Affairs take many shapes and forms. Modern day affairs are often different than they have been in the past. With the advent of the Internet, spouses may find themselves giving in to the temptation, excitement, anonymity and novelty of an online emotional affair.  Sometimes that is as far as it goes. Unfortunately after frequent online communications, rendezvous are often made and eventually discovered by the other spouse.  

Whatever form the affair takes, one thing is for sure, affairs are devastating. They are what noted marriage researcher John Gottman calls “weapons of mass destruction” for your relationship. The important thing to remember is that the relationship/ marriage can still be healed. Be kind and gentle on yourself and acknowledge that this type of healing takes time.  

Almost everyone faces strong emotions when they find out about an affair. There are common emotions that often accompany the discovery of the affair and are present during the healing process. This is natural and normal.

Below you will find a list of eight of the emotions associated with surviving an affair. If you get to the bottom of the list and you think you are only feeling one or two of the eight emotions listed you could be in a bit of denial. I know this hurts, but you’ll move on more successfully after you face your own turmoil and pain.


The Emotion Of Betrayal

Any committed relationship is built on trust for each other. Marriage vows include the concept that you both agree to ‘forsake all others’. Betrayal is the sense that someone has intentionally taken advantage of your trust. Betrayal is one of the first emotions to surface and it is the BIG one! Betrayal is at the very root of infidelity. It is what causes many of the other emotional problems that come up when you find out your partner has cheated on you.

The Emotion Of Guilt

Many people feel guilty when they find out about an affair. On some level they think that the affair is their fault. They might think, “If only I had been a better partner, this would never have happened.”

No matter what kind of partner you were, or are, you did not choose to have an affair and take advantage of the trust that was established between the two of you. You did not choose for the other person to hurt you.


The Emotion Of Disappointment

When you have spent years building a life with another person and they come home and tell you that they have cheated on you, you are bound to feel disappointed. You will likely feel disappointed in them. But you might also feel disappointed in yourself, in men or women (depending on the cheater’s gender), in humankind as a whole, or even in life itself. These reactions are normal. But be careful not to let your feelings slide into the despair of hopelessness. If you do that, you’re going to hit the roadblock we talked about above.


The Emotion Of Anger

Anger is a close relative to the emotion of betrayal. When you feel betrayed, you almost immediately feel angry. You may feel hurt. If you are feeling a sense of betrayal and you aren’t feeling any anger, look to see if you aren’t hiding something from yourself.

Think about and answer these questions: What makes you so angry about the affair? What are some of the angry scenarios you dream about? What are the particular concepts about the affair that anger you? Are your angry feelings related to other experiences in your personal history? How do you feel your anger in your body? How do you express your anger?


The Emotion Of Vengefulness

This emotion is usually associated with anger. Many people want to take revenge on the cheater, on the person the cheater was involved with, or both. They envision hurting the cheater as much as they have been hurt. Instead of actually enacting your vengeful fantasies, try writing about them. What kinds of vengeful fantasies do you have? What would you hope for out of the vengeance?

What does this reveal to you about the way you feel in this situation? How do you experience the vengeful feeling in your body? Were there other times or places when you had these feelings? How do these earlier experiences (if there were any) impact your current feelings?

The Emotion Of Fear

When you find out your partner has had an affair, there are so many things to fear. You might be afraid that the life you once knew is over. You might be afraid that you will never be able to repair your relationship. You might be afraid that they will do it again.


The Emotion Of Frustration

There is no question that having someone cheat on you can cause frustration. You likely will be frustrated with the cheater, frustrated with the person they cheated with, frustrated with yourself, and frustrated with the whole world. After all, something has been done to you and to your relationship that was and is out of your purview.

This feeling of frustration is often compounded by the fact that you now have to cope with so many painful thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it might feel like you are heaping frustration upon frustration.


The Emotion Of Suspicious Feelings

Suspicious feeling include a deep fear that someone or something is out to get you or is engaging in some activity that will cause you pain behind your back. It is quite easy to see why the injured person in an affair situation might feel suspicious.

Overwhelming feelings of suspicion can be destructive to your peace of mind if taken too far. But a bit of suspicion or, perhaps, skepticism isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

You deserve to have the cheater prove to you that they are not carrying on with the affair and will not get involved in another one. Be suspicious enough to get that need met. If you don’t, developing trust will be that much more difficult.

Marriage Can be Healed after an Affair

It will take time to heal from the aftermath of an affair. You can expect to experience many emotional ups and downs. Things may seem to be back to normal and then something may occur which ignites one or more of these eight emotions. This is part of the process of healing. Marriage counseling with an experienced therapist can help speed recovery and healing from an affair. I have helped numerous couples move towards health in their relationship and the bond between them is stronger than before.

Lovesongs in the United States

Two conceptual distinctions that have been helpful in elucidating U.S.-Chinese differences--individualism versus collectivism and independent versus interdependent concepts of self--shed light on the above quote. In a collectivistic society such as China romantic partners focus on maintaining cohesion and harmony of the group within which the partners are "embedded"; by contrast, in an individualistic society such as the United States, the partners focus on their personal preferences (e.g., Kim, 1994; Triandis. 1990. 1995). Conceptions of the self are also tied to notions of romantic love: In China, the self is seen as interdependent and includes within it the partner's needs and expectations. In the United States, where there is a more independent sense of self, there is greater emphasis on the individual's separateness from others and the promotion of personal goals Markus & Kitayama, 1991). Our claim that interdependence and independence apply to the experience of love as well as to the sense of self was foreshadowed by Markus and Kitayama.(1991): "If one perceives oneself as embedded within a larger context of which one is an interdependent part, it is likely that other objects or events are perceived in a similar way" (p. 246).
Both of the above distinctions suggest that romantic love is more "embedded" in China than the United States, and that love is more based on personal preferences in the United States than China. Yet, neither distinction has been focused on cultural differences in romantic love. Individualism-collectivism is primarily concerned with "cultural-level differences," involving institutions, symbol systems and behavioral systems (Kim, 1994; Schwartz, 1994; Triandis, 1994) and is less concerned with the study of romantic love. Independence versus interdependence is primarily concerned with individual-level differences, involving the self's emotions, motivations, and cognitions, and it too is not particularly concerned with romantic love Markus & Kitayama, 1991). We believe that the notions of embeddedness and personal preference help bridge the gap between the culture distinctions mentioned above and culture differences in romantic love.
Cross-cultural research clarifies ways in which the constructs of embeddedness and personal preference pertain to Chinese-U.S. differences in romantic love. Dion and Dion (1993) examined differences between U.S. college students of different cultural backgrounds in their endorsement of different styles of love. They found that students with Chinese backgrounds, as compared with those with European backgrounds, scored higher on a friendship style of love in which partners develop a close long-lasting relationship characterized by deep caring. Cho and Cross (1995) found that Chinese, as compared with U.S., persons were more likely to let their lover know of their commitment. Hendrick and Hendrick (1986) obtained similar findings and in addition found that the Euro-American students were more likely to endorse a style of love characterized by physical attraction and intense feelings ("eros"; see also Hsu, 1983). These findings point to a greater emphasis on broad aspects of the relationship entailing devotion (e.g., commitment, loyalty, and enduring friendship) among the Chinese, and to a greater emphasis on the lovers' intense desires in the United States.
Eastern philosophies clarify how embeddedness pertains to love. In the Buddhist tradition, romantic relationships are seen as developing in a context of multiple factors that determines the course of romantic love (Chang & Holt, 1991). Buddhist teaching stresses the importance of broad contextual conditions that underlie the progress and failure of romantic relationships (Goodwin & Tang, 1996). The main context determining outcomes of love is the natural world. In explaining romance in China, Chang and Holt (1991) observe that "nature sets the model for human beings to follow" (pp. 47 48) and "[Nature] paves the way for all things to occur" (p. 51). According to all of the above authors, there is no U.S. counterpart to this emphasis on the role of context in determining the outcome of love relationships. Indeed, in the United States, the emphasis is much more on individuals' personal control over outcomes, and their ability to work on relationships so as to overcome obstacles. In the United States, there is more of a sense that love conquers all (Chang & Holt, 1991).
Prior research and indigenous philosophies suggest that romantic love in China is seen as embedded--within the broader relationship and within the natural world. Interestingly, this notion of embeddedness is different from the notion typically emphasized by cross cultural investigators (e.g., Triandis, 1995), namely, the embeddedness of the individual within a cohesive group and within role-related obligations. Prior research also suggests that in the United States, more than China, love is linked to personal preference, and particularly to intense desire.
To assess the relevance of embeddedness and intense desire to Chinese-U.S. differences in romantic love, we examined lyrics from American and Chinese lovesongs. Prior studies have shown the value of song texts in elucidating the cultural differences in interpersonal relationships (Lomax Halifax, 1968; Rothbaum & …

self help to improve your marriage

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You never want to find yourself in a bad situation for a prolonged and extended period of time, especially if it is taking its toll on your physical or emotional health. There are several avenues that you take to find relief from distressing situations.  For instance, a relationship article may discuss and offer free relationship advice for all.  You will need to find the specific point  in that relationship article to suit your particular circumstance. And if money is a problem,  free relationship advice is just a click of a mouse away.

Find A Relationship Article That Offers Free Relationship Advice

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You need to know what factors to consider when searching for the right relationship article.  This is essential if you are to get the appropriate free relationship advice that can be of help to your specific situation. You may need free relationship advice on communication, trust, strengthening your marriage, points of conflict and of course, honesty, forgiveness and respect. Tips on how to start things going should also be available on any relationship article website. If you are struggling at sharing your feelings with your spouse, then you may want to voice that with someone on line. Sometimes it is much easier to talk to an outsider rather than someone who knows both you and your partner.

Use a Free Relationship Article Too Discuss Difficult Topics With Your Partner

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How to Minimize Hurt Feelings

One of the biggest on-going challenges for couples is how to reduce the bruised feelings that can result from disagreements and arguments. The residue from a no-holds barred “attack your opponent” verbal fight can last for decades. It is a result that may cause marital problems, marriage separation and ultimately, divorce, if over time it’s handled without care.
I have worked with many couples in marriage counseling who have struggled with forgiving each other for hurtful words they have said during a fight. Numerous times, the residue from a shouting match or an argument is left to accumulate like toxic dust on the relationship, with each subsequent episode adding another layer. Eventually, the fallout interferes with every component of the marriage as unaddressed issues and resentment build up until a marriage crisis is reached.
The tone of voice you use and the words you say during an argument are important. So is the way you give your message (screaming and hollering, for instance) and any non-verbal gestures you use (shaking or pointing your finger in your partner’s face). If you make fun of your spouse and show disrespect for him or her, you are hurting the chances for any real communication between the two of you.
All this makes it more and more difficult to pull back from the brink of major marriage problems, stressful confrontations and ultimately marital separation and divorce.
The same is also true if you make any threatening gestures and try to intimidate your partner with your anger. Honest, healthy communication requires a sense of safety from attack. Any good marriage counselor will tell you that a spouse who is afraid her partner will ridicule her ideas or feelings, either at the time or later during an argument, isn’t going to share what she is really feeling or thinking.
So how can you and your mate create an atmosphere of safety and protection so that you can both express your real feelings and thoughts? And how can you disagree in a way that you don’t permanently damage your marriage?
You can take action by asking your spouse if the two of you can collaborate to develop a list of fair fighting rules that you both agree to follow.

Begin to Repair Your Marriage with These 10 Suggestions

Here are several guidelines often used in marriage counseling sessions for you to consider:

1. Even when you are in the white heat of anger, consider the possible damage that you could do if you let your anger out unrestrained. The challenge is for each of you to express yourself without damaging the what’s most important in your marriage. The core of the relationship has to be protected. There is no place in a healthy marriage for a spouse who wants to win an argument at all costs, no matter what she or he has to say or do to “win.” The same goes for a spouse who wants to “win” by hurting the partner as much as possible. Marital counseling could provide a safety valve when discussing sensitive issues.
2. Be sure to show respect for each other, even if you can’t figure out how your spouse could possibly feel the way she or he does. You don’t have to agree and you don’t have to understand it—you just have to respect your spouse’s right to have differing ideas and opinions.
3. Prohibit name-calling, cursing, belittling, mockery, sarcasm, screaming, and pushing, slapping, or other physical or emotional abuse. These actions will only cause hard feelings and division between you and will hurt your relationship. They will not help you to find constructive ways to resolve your differences. A marriage guidance expert can function as a coach to help reframe arguments.
4. Don’t use words such as “always” and “never,” such as “You’re always late. I’m sick and tired of always waiting for you. You’re never on time for anything.” The words “never” and “always” are examples of over-generalizing, and they close communication doors instead of opening them. In addition, they divert the discussion from the real issues and turn the focus onto whether or not the other partner can come up with an example of a time when she or he wasn’t late but the partner was.
5. Keep the discussion focused on the issue at hand. Many relationships have an informal “historian” who can recall every mistake the other spouse has ever made. When this happens, the discussion is diverted from the current issue to an argument about what may or may not have happened in the past, which greatly reduces the odds that the current disagreement will be resolved. Stick with present events instead of revisiting past history which can’t be changed.
6. Listen to each other and let each person speak her or his mind. This can be difficult to do when you’re impatient, frustrated, and agitated. But until you’ve heard each other out, you do not have all the information you need to try to reach a respectful compromise.
7. Take a break from the discussion when it gets too heated or “heavy.” Step outside on the deck, go to the bathroom, or do some deep breathing exercises to help relieve the stress. Let yourself cool down and give yourself a chance to recover your composure before continuing the discussion.
8. Apologize immediately if you slip and say something that could hurt your spouse’s feelings. Say, “I didn’t mean that. I am sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out sounding like that. Please forgive me for saying that. Let me try again.”
9. Look for a “win-win” compromise solution. Some issues are more important to one spouse than the other, and it builds up good will to go along with your partner’s views when it doesn’t matter nearly as much to you.
   
   If your mate wants you to record the checks you write in a certain way so that it’ll be easier for her or him to handle the bill-paying, it probably makes sense to agree to go along with it, even if it’s not the way you would do it. That will build up some good will so that the next time you have a differing viewpoint about something that’s really important to you, you’ll have a better chance of getting support from your spouse.
10. If the subject’s too emotional for you and your spouse to resolve between you, then you might consider enlisting the help of a professional counselor to act as mediator. It may only take two to three sessions to clear the air, generate some new options, and reach a decision. And the best part is that by using a counselor to help you work out an acceptable compromise, you avoid the long-term strain and emotional drain that could damage your marriage for years.

Until you and your spouse can talk about emotional issues and have different  opinions without being disrespectful to each other, it will be hard to tackle the really crucial issues in your marriage with any chance of real success. Without mutual respect and the security of knowing that you won’t be ridiculed, you will both be reluctant to express your true feelings and to show vulnerability.
But honesty with your genuine emotions is a key to overcoming your marital crisis and re-establishing an intimate marriage.

international marriage-rate ofsuccess throught the k1 visa

There’s a common misconception that the speed of a successful marriage is healthier from people who marry someone from another country under a K1 Visa. Marriage alone is hard enough, yet for those getting into within the USA on a K1 Visa it can be rather more challenging.
What’s the K1 Visa?
Earlier than I transfer on, I am going to describe what this type of Visa is all about. The K1 Visa will let a U.S. resident the best to bring their potential spouse to the U.S.A for marriage. Once contained in the U.S., the couple will have simply ninety days to get married and confirm confirmation of the wedding via an interview process. Since the timeframe to get married is inside a ninety day window, the bulk couples by-cross the normal church wedding ceremony and select the justice of the peace. Other couples will use the justice of the peace as their official obligation after which have the church marriage ceremony afterwards. In a nutshell that is what the Visa is all about.
The speed of success of a world marriage
There’s a widespread misconception that the speed of a successful marriage is healthier from those who marry someone from one other country underneath a K1 Visa. Marriage alone is hard enough, but for those getting into in the USA on a K1 Visa may be way more challenging. Add in cultural differences, language barriers, lack of buddies, lack of household and the sensation of utterly beginning over and that may add as much as a significant toll on the marriage and the relationship. Now add in the factor that you just simply do not actually know each other very properly and that could be the breaking point.
Yet there is a silver lining to this complex situation. A rate of success can enormously improve if both be taught every others tradition, try to learn just a little of each others language. Perhaps take an curiosity within the hobbies of one another. Above all remember patience is a advantage together with being understanding of each others concerns.
What I discover is males tend to lose their patience simply with their new spouse. She may be gradual to be taught the language or depressed. Men typically occasions really feel that his new spouse isn’t grateful for what he has given her. In reality she may be very grateful. It’s the drastic change in tradition and loss of family and pals that may lead to an sad spouse.
Good Information
Now for the nice news. Your new spouse will begin to get use to her new home and life inside 6 months to a year. She will begin to work, drive and make new friends. It will all lead to her feeling unbiased again. Her use of the language will get higher and the considerations of the previous will be solely a memory.
Based mostly on my understanding of the success rate of marriages for those getting into the USA on a K1 Visa, they are equal to these in the U.S. All of it comes all the way down to how well you communicate and the way much patience you might have with every other. In case you have these two qualities nailed down, there is a very excessive likelihood that your international relationship and marriage will succeed.
Identical to the rest in life, it takes work to make one thing great. In a marriage and particularly in an international relationship, that work becomes a little bit bit harder. Don’t full yourself in pondering that every one it is advisable to do is meet your potential spouse once in his or her nation after which go off and live happily ever after. These kinds of romances only occur in the movies.
I usually traveled each 6 months to go to my wife in the Ukraine. We took journeys collectively and really bought to know one another earlier than we begin interested by marriage. It’s a studying process and the extra you recognize the extra successful your marriage will be.