Two conceptual distinctions that have been helpful in elucidating U.S.-Chinese differences--individualism versus collectivism and independent versus interdependent concepts of self--shed light on the above quote. In a collectivistic society such as China romantic partners focus on maintaining cohesion and harmony of the group within which the partners are "embedded"; by contrast, in an individualistic society such as the United States, the partners focus on their personal preferences (e.g., Kim, 1994; Triandis. 1990. 1995). Conceptions of the self are also tied to notions of romantic love: In China, the self is seen as interdependent and includes within it the partner's needs and expectations. In the United States, where there is a more independent sense of self, there is greater emphasis on the individual's separateness from others and the promotion of personal goals Markus & Kitayama, 1991). Our claim that interdependence and independence apply to the experience of love as well as to the sense of self was foreshadowed by Markus and Kitayama.(1991): "If one perceives oneself as embedded within a larger context of which one is an interdependent part, it is likely that other objects or events are perceived in a similar way" (p. 246).
Both of the above distinctions suggest that romantic love is more "embedded" in China than the United States, and that love is more based on personal preferences in the United States than China. Yet, neither distinction has been focused on cultural differences in romantic love. Individualism-collectivism is primarily concerned with "cultural-level differences," involving institutions, symbol systems and behavioral systems (Kim, 1994; Schwartz, 1994; Triandis, 1994) and is less concerned with the study of romantic love. Independence versus interdependence is primarily concerned with individual-level differences, involving the self's emotions, motivations, and cognitions, and it too is not particularly concerned with romantic love Markus & Kitayama, 1991). We believe that the notions of embeddedness and personal preference help bridge the gap between the culture distinctions mentioned above and culture differences in romantic love.
Cross-cultural research clarifies ways in which the constructs of embeddedness and personal preference pertain to Chinese-U.S. differences in romantic love. Dion and Dion (1993) examined differences between U.S. college students of different cultural backgrounds in their endorsement of different styles of love. They found that students with Chinese backgrounds, as compared with those with European backgrounds, scored higher on a friendship style of love in which partners develop a close long-lasting relationship characterized by deep caring. Cho and Cross (1995) found that Chinese, as compared with U.S., persons were more likely to let their lover know of their commitment. Hendrick and Hendrick (1986) obtained similar findings and in addition found that the Euro-American students were more likely to endorse a style of love characterized by physical attraction and intense feelings ("eros"; see also Hsu, 1983). These findings point to a greater emphasis on broad aspects of the relationship entailing devotion (e.g., commitment, loyalty, and enduring friendship) among the Chinese, and to a greater emphasis on the lovers' intense desires in the United States.
Eastern philosophies clarify how embeddedness pertains to love. In the Buddhist tradition, romantic relationships are seen as developing in a context of multiple factors that determines the course of romantic love (Chang & Holt, 1991). Buddhist teaching stresses the importance of broad contextual conditions that underlie the progress and failure of romantic relationships (Goodwin & Tang, 1996). The main context determining outcomes of love is the natural world. In explaining romance in China, Chang and Holt (1991) observe that "nature sets the model for human beings to follow" (pp. 47 48) and "[Nature] paves the way for all things to occur" (p. 51). According to all of the above authors, there is no U.S. counterpart to this emphasis on the role of context in determining the outcome of love relationships. Indeed, in the United States, the emphasis is much more on individuals' personal control over outcomes, and their ability to work on relationships so as to overcome obstacles. In the United States, there is more of a sense that love conquers all (Chang & Holt, 1991).
Prior research and indigenous philosophies suggest that romantic love in China is seen as embedded--within the broader relationship and within the natural world. Interestingly, this notion of embeddedness is different from the notion typically emphasized by cross cultural investigators (e.g., Triandis, 1995), namely, the embeddedness of the individual within a cohesive group and within role-related obligations. Prior research also suggests that in the United States, more than China, love is linked to personal preference, and particularly to intense desire.
To assess the relevance of embeddedness and intense desire to Chinese-U.S. differences in romantic love, we examined lyrics from American and Chinese lovesongs. Prior studies have shown the value of song texts in elucidating the cultural differences in interpersonal relationships (Lomax Halifax, 1968; Rothbaum & …
Saturday, July 3, 2010
self help to improve your marriage
If you are looking for a practical relationship article and need free relationship advice to help with your marriage there are several methods of approach. You must remember that you are never alone when it comes to finding help with a troubled relationship. There are genuine people out there that can and will help you with free relationship advice, friendship and an practical relationship article to peruse over. One on one therapy or counseling is out there and available if necessary.
You never want to find yourself in a bad situation for a prolonged and extended period of time, especially if it is taking its toll on your physical or emotional health. There are several avenues that you take to find relief from distressing situations. For instance, a relationship article may discuss and offer free relationship advice for all. You will need to find the specific point in that relationship article to suit your particular circumstance. And if money is a problem, free relationship advice is just a click of a mouse away.
You need to know what factors to consider when searching for the right relationship article. This is essential if you are to get the appropriate free relationship advice that can be of help to your specific situation. You may need free relationship advice on communication, trust, strengthening your marriage, points of conflict and of course, honesty, forgiveness and respect. Tips on how to start things going should also be available on any relationship article website. If you are struggling at sharing your feelings with your spouse, then you may want to voice that with someone on line. Sometimes it is much easier to talk to an outsider rather than someone who knows both you and your partner.
You never want to find yourself in a bad situation for a prolonged and extended period of time, especially if it is taking its toll on your physical or emotional health. There are several avenues that you take to find relief from distressing situations. For instance, a relationship article may discuss and offer free relationship advice for all. You will need to find the specific point in that relationship article to suit your particular circumstance. And if money is a problem, free relationship advice is just a click of a mouse away.
Find A Relationship Article That Offers Free Relationship Advice
If you are searching for ways to get you through this tough period in your life, you already have enough on your plate, so finding a relationship article that offers free relationship advice could be just what you need to cope with the emotional stress and heartbreak you may be experiencing right now.You need to know what factors to consider when searching for the right relationship article. This is essential if you are to get the appropriate free relationship advice that can be of help to your specific situation. You may need free relationship advice on communication, trust, strengthening your marriage, points of conflict and of course, honesty, forgiveness and respect. Tips on how to start things going should also be available on any relationship article website. If you are struggling at sharing your feelings with your spouse, then you may want to voice that with someone on line. Sometimes it is much easier to talk to an outsider rather than someone who knows both you and your partner.
Use a Free Relationship Article Too Discuss Difficult Topics With Your Partner
You may find subjects such as problems with sexual intimacy too hard to speak to your partner about. Lack of communication about sexual problems is extremely common. Why not look for a good relationship article on this topic, then print it and read it together with your spouse. That’s one way to break the ice, get free relationship advice and tackle an often taboo topic head-on!. Getting in touch with someone through a practical and helpful relationship article may be right for you if you find it difficult to initiate certain topics with your spouse. It can be less difficult to convey your most intimate thoughts with a stranger rather that someone you are close to as this can be awkward and embarrassing. This is where a free relationship advice article can be extremely helpful.Benefit From Our Free Relationship Advice To Save Your Relationship
Where to go from here is really very easy. Just start browsing calmly at the many relationship articles that are available over the Internet. Our website if also jam packed with free relationship advice so why not take your time and read them, then narrow them down and start to get the help and advice you truly deserve so that you can get to that place you were with your spouse years ago. There are so many different factors that need to be taken into account, so many areas of your marriage that you may want to change or make improvements on. You can repair your marriage by following the free relationship advice we provide here, one relationship article at a time. Feel free to comment too, and start a conversation on any relationship article that may interest you. You may be amazed that many others are coping with the same issues.How to Minimize Hurt Feelings
One of the biggest on-going challenges for couples is how to reduce the bruised feelings that can result from disagreements and arguments. The residue from a no-holds barred “attack your opponent” verbal fight can last for decades. It is a result that may cause marital problems, marriage separation and ultimately, divorce, if over time it’s handled without care.
I have worked with many couples in marriage counseling who have struggled with forgiving each other for hurtful words they have said during a fight. Numerous times, the residue from a shouting match or an argument is left to accumulate like toxic dust on the relationship, with each subsequent episode adding another layer. Eventually, the fallout interferes with every component of the marriage as unaddressed issues and resentment build up until a marriage crisis is reached.
The tone of voice you use and the words you say during an argument are important. So is the way you give your message (screaming and hollering, for instance) and any non-verbal gestures you use (shaking or pointing your finger in your partner’s face). If you make fun of your spouse and show disrespect for him or her, you are hurting the chances for any real communication between the two of you.
All this makes it more and more difficult to pull back from the brink of major marriage problems, stressful confrontations and ultimately marital separation and divorce.
The same is also true if you make any threatening gestures and try to intimidate your partner with your anger. Honest, healthy communication requires a sense of safety from attack. Any good marriage counselor will tell you that a spouse who is afraid her partner will ridicule her ideas or feelings, either at the time or later during an argument, isn’t going to share what she is really feeling or thinking.
So how can you and your mate create an atmosphere of safety and protection so that you can both express your real feelings and thoughts? And how can you disagree in a way that you don’t permanently damage your marriage?
You can take action by asking your spouse if the two of you can collaborate to develop a list of fair fighting rules that you both agree to follow.
But honesty with your genuine emotions is a key to overcoming your marital crisis and re-establishing an intimate marriage.
I have worked with many couples in marriage counseling who have struggled with forgiving each other for hurtful words they have said during a fight. Numerous times, the residue from a shouting match or an argument is left to accumulate like toxic dust on the relationship, with each subsequent episode adding another layer. Eventually, the fallout interferes with every component of the marriage as unaddressed issues and resentment build up until a marriage crisis is reached.
The tone of voice you use and the words you say during an argument are important. So is the way you give your message (screaming and hollering, for instance) and any non-verbal gestures you use (shaking or pointing your finger in your partner’s face). If you make fun of your spouse and show disrespect for him or her, you are hurting the chances for any real communication between the two of you.
All this makes it more and more difficult to pull back from the brink of major marriage problems, stressful confrontations and ultimately marital separation and divorce.
The same is also true if you make any threatening gestures and try to intimidate your partner with your anger. Honest, healthy communication requires a sense of safety from attack. Any good marriage counselor will tell you that a spouse who is afraid her partner will ridicule her ideas or feelings, either at the time or later during an argument, isn’t going to share what she is really feeling or thinking.
So how can you and your mate create an atmosphere of safety and protection so that you can both express your real feelings and thoughts? And how can you disagree in a way that you don’t permanently damage your marriage?
You can take action by asking your spouse if the two of you can collaborate to develop a list of fair fighting rules that you both agree to follow.
Begin to Repair Your Marriage with These 10 Suggestions
Here are several guidelines often used in marriage counseling sessions for you to consider:- Even when you are in the white heat of anger, consider the possible damage that you could do if you let your anger out unrestrained. The challenge is for each of you to express yourself without damaging the what’s most important in your marriage. The core of the relationship has to be protected. There is no place in a healthy marriage for a spouse who wants to win an argument at all costs, no matter what she or he has to say or do to “win.” The same goes for a spouse who wants to “win” by hurting the partner as much as possible. Marital counseling could provide a safety valve when discussing sensitive issues.
- Be sure to show respect for each other, even if you can’t figure out how your spouse could possibly feel the way she or he does. You don’t have to agree and you don’t have to understand it—you just have to respect your spouse’s right to have differing ideas and opinions.
- Prohibit name-calling, cursing, belittling, mockery, sarcasm, screaming, and pushing, slapping, or other physical or emotional abuse. These actions will only cause hard feelings and division between you and will hurt your relationship. They will not help you to find constructive ways to resolve your differences. A marriage guidance expert can function as a coach to help reframe arguments.
- Don’t use words such as “always” and “never,” such as “You’re always late. I’m sick and tired of always waiting for you. You’re never on time for anything.” The words “never” and “always” are examples of over-generalizing, and they close communication doors instead of opening them. In addition, they divert the discussion from the real issues and turn the focus onto whether or not the other partner can come up with an example of a time when she or he wasn’t late but the partner was.
- Keep the discussion focused on the issue at hand. Many relationships have an informal “historian” who can recall every mistake the other spouse has ever made. When this happens, the discussion is diverted from the current issue to an argument about what may or may not have happened in the past, which greatly reduces the odds that the current disagreement will be resolved. Stick with present events instead of revisiting past history which can’t be changed.
- Listen to each other and let each person speak her or his mind. This can be difficult to do when you’re impatient, frustrated, and agitated. But until you’ve heard each other out, you do not have all the information you need to try to reach a respectful compromise.
- Take a break from the discussion when it gets too heated or “heavy.” Step outside on the deck, go to the bathroom, or do some deep breathing exercises to help relieve the stress. Let yourself cool down and give yourself a chance to recover your composure before continuing the discussion.
- Apologize immediately if you slip and say something that could hurt your spouse’s feelings. Say, “I didn’t mean that. I am sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out sounding like that. Please forgive me for saying that. Let me try again.”
- Look for a “win-win” compromise solution. Some issues are more important to one spouse than the other, and it builds up good will to go along with your partner’s views when it doesn’t matter nearly as much to you.
If your mate wants you to record the checks you write in a certain way so that it’ll be easier for her or him to handle the bill-paying, it probably makes sense to agree to go along with it, even if it’s not the way you would do it. That will build up some good will so that the next time you have a differing viewpoint about something that’s really important to you, you’ll have a better chance of getting support from your spouse. - If the subject’s too emotional for you and your spouse to resolve between you, then you might consider enlisting the help of a professional counselor to act as mediator. It may only take two to three sessions to clear the air, generate some new options, and reach a decision. And the best part is that by using a counselor to help you work out an acceptable compromise, you avoid the long-term strain and emotional drain that could damage your marriage for years.
But honesty with your genuine emotions is a key to overcoming your marital crisis and re-establishing an intimate marriage.
international marriage-rate ofsuccess throught the k1 visa
There’s a common misconception that the speed of a successful marriage is healthier from people who marry someone from another country under a K1 Visa. Marriage alone is hard enough, yet for those getting into within the USA on a K1 Visa it can be rather more challenging.
What’s the K1 Visa?
Earlier than I transfer on, I am going to describe what this type of Visa is all about. The K1 Visa will let a U.S. resident the best to bring their potential spouse to the U.S.A for marriage. Once contained in the U.S., the couple will have simply ninety days to get married and confirm confirmation of the wedding via an interview process. Since the timeframe to get married is inside a ninety day window, the bulk couples by-cross the normal church wedding ceremony and select the justice of the peace. Other couples will use the justice of the peace as their official obligation after which have the church marriage ceremony afterwards. In a nutshell that is what the Visa is all about.
The speed of success of a world marriage
There’s a widespread misconception that the speed of a successful marriage is healthier from those who marry someone from one other country underneath a K1 Visa. Marriage alone is hard enough, but for those getting into in the USA on a K1 Visa may be way more challenging. Add in cultural differences, language barriers, lack of buddies, lack of household and the sensation of utterly beginning over and that may add as much as a significant toll on the marriage and the relationship. Now add in the factor that you just simply do not actually know each other very properly and that could be the breaking point.
Yet there is a silver lining to this complex situation. A rate of success can enormously improve if both be taught every others tradition, try to learn just a little of each others language. Perhaps take an curiosity within the hobbies of one another. Above all remember patience is a advantage together with being understanding of each others concerns.
What I discover is males tend to lose their patience simply with their new spouse. She may be gradual to be taught the language or depressed. Men typically occasions really feel that his new spouse isn’t grateful for what he has given her. In reality she may be very grateful. It’s the drastic change in tradition and loss of family and pals that may lead to an sad spouse.
Good Information
Now for the nice news. Your new spouse will begin to get use to her new home and life inside 6 months to a year. She will begin to work, drive and make new friends. It will all lead to her feeling unbiased again. Her use of the language will get higher and the considerations of the previous will be solely a memory.
Based mostly on my understanding of the success rate of marriages for those getting into the USA on a K1 Visa, they are equal to these in the U.S. All of it comes all the way down to how well you communicate and the way much patience you might have with every other. In case you have these two qualities nailed down, there is a very excessive likelihood that your international relationship and marriage will succeed.
Identical to the rest in life, it takes work to make one thing great. In a marriage and particularly in an international relationship, that work becomes a little bit bit harder. Don’t full yourself in pondering that every one it is advisable to do is meet your potential spouse once in his or her nation after which go off and live happily ever after. These kinds of romances only occur in the movies.
I usually traveled each 6 months to go to my wife in the Ukraine. We took journeys collectively and really bought to know one another earlier than we begin interested by marriage. It’s a studying process and the extra you recognize the extra successful your marriage will be.
What’s the K1 Visa?
Earlier than I transfer on, I am going to describe what this type of Visa is all about. The K1 Visa will let a U.S. resident the best to bring their potential spouse to the U.S.A for marriage. Once contained in the U.S., the couple will have simply ninety days to get married and confirm confirmation of the wedding via an interview process. Since the timeframe to get married is inside a ninety day window, the bulk couples by-cross the normal church wedding ceremony and select the justice of the peace. Other couples will use the justice of the peace as their official obligation after which have the church marriage ceremony afterwards. In a nutshell that is what the Visa is all about.
The speed of success of a world marriage
There’s a widespread misconception that the speed of a successful marriage is healthier from those who marry someone from one other country underneath a K1 Visa. Marriage alone is hard enough, but for those getting into in the USA on a K1 Visa may be way more challenging. Add in cultural differences, language barriers, lack of buddies, lack of household and the sensation of utterly beginning over and that may add as much as a significant toll on the marriage and the relationship. Now add in the factor that you just simply do not actually know each other very properly and that could be the breaking point.
Yet there is a silver lining to this complex situation. A rate of success can enormously improve if both be taught every others tradition, try to learn just a little of each others language. Perhaps take an curiosity within the hobbies of one another. Above all remember patience is a advantage together with being understanding of each others concerns.
What I discover is males tend to lose their patience simply with their new spouse. She may be gradual to be taught the language or depressed. Men typically occasions really feel that his new spouse isn’t grateful for what he has given her. In reality she may be very grateful. It’s the drastic change in tradition and loss of family and pals that may lead to an sad spouse.
Good Information
Now for the nice news. Your new spouse will begin to get use to her new home and life inside 6 months to a year. She will begin to work, drive and make new friends. It will all lead to her feeling unbiased again. Her use of the language will get higher and the considerations of the previous will be solely a memory.
Based mostly on my understanding of the success rate of marriages for those getting into the USA on a K1 Visa, they are equal to these in the U.S. All of it comes all the way down to how well you communicate and the way much patience you might have with every other. In case you have these two qualities nailed down, there is a very excessive likelihood that your international relationship and marriage will succeed.
Identical to the rest in life, it takes work to make one thing great. In a marriage and particularly in an international relationship, that work becomes a little bit bit harder. Don’t full yourself in pondering that every one it is advisable to do is meet your potential spouse once in his or her nation after which go off and live happily ever after. These kinds of romances only occur in the movies.
I usually traveled each 6 months to go to my wife in the Ukraine. We took journeys collectively and really bought to know one another earlier than we begin interested by marriage. It’s a studying process and the extra you recognize the extra successful your marriage will be.
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